Case Studies
Friendship
Friendship is where we can find solidarity with those with shared experiences, meet people different from us, and feel free to be ourselves.
Friendship was the most common value that emerged from the Journeys research, referenced in 35% of the maps produced. The findings from Beyond School Gates as a whole indicate that having friends that are both similar and different to you in a variety of ways is important for wellbeing and for building an integrated community. Friendship intersects closely with the other themes we have outlined – school is important site of friendship, as are sports clubs, religious communities and other sites of cultural belonging. Friendship allows children to feel safe to be themselves and to explore differences, both of which are important for healthy communities.
The following case studies show how sites of shared cultural belonging allow children to shape their communities and integrate with others…
Case study 2 (KT11): Amrita
Amrita loves reading, snuggling up on the couch at home, and doodling. She goes to Hindu temple and to Gujarati school, and travels to India about once a year to visit family or to take part in Maths competitions. She associates the playground at school with happiness because that is where she connects with her friends. Her love of reading is linked to the importance of friendship in her life, and she explains that reading fiction ‘might teach you a bit about friendship and what matters’. She has friends at school but also ‘at my temple and at maths’. For Amrita, friendship is about supporting each other:
“At school, my friends really matter to me because I just, I don’t know what I would do without them when they help me in the playground when I’m hurt and when I’m sad and I help them. So we just connect to each other.”
Connecting, for Amrita, is less about fun or about common interests but about mutual support. This allows to construct school as ‘a place of happiness’, because she has peers that she feels safe to show her feelings to. Mutual support and solidarity in difficult times is a crucial part of friendship for Amrita.
Case study 1 (AN25): Tommy
Tommy used his map to show some of his favourite places and things, including his football club and his favourite food. He has included a picture of his three closest friends together. He spends a lot of time with his friends in school and on the estate where he lives. Most of his friends are from his school, and he likes going over to his friends’ houses because:
“I think it’s interesting about like how other people live, and what they live in. […] Some might be strict, some might be not as strict. Some might not have a lot of money, some might have a lot. But, and like, basically, like, we both play games. We all play games.”
Tommy is aware of cultural, values, and economic differences, and finds these interesting, but does not see this as a barrier to friendship. Rather, this is a way for him to learn about others, and the important thing for him is if people have something in common and can play together. He describes personality as the most important things when choosing friends:
““I think it’s important to have some that know that they like me. Because if they don’t like me there’s no point in them being a friend. Because I’m more of a funny person. I’m not that calm, but I can be calm sometimes. So, I have friends that laugh at me, because I like making other people laugh. And if they don’t like being really happy, then it’s just not my type of friends. […] I don’t really like talking to other people who aren’t the same personality, who aren’t the same personality as me. It’s just, I don’t enjoy being sad. Like, I don’t want to be, like, I don’t want to feel down, cause I don’t want to be called bad at something, cause I don’t like being called bad at something. I mean, yeah I am bad at some things. But I just don’t like being called it. Because I’m quite a positive person sometimes”.”
When he talks about personality, Tommy explains that having people that he can laugh with, who have a positive attitude, and who appreciate his positive attitude and ability to make jokes is really important. Safety seems to be an important subtext here; Tommy wants to feel safe to be himself knowing that he won’t be made fun of or misunderstood. Sharing fun experiences, meeting people with different lifestyles, and feeling able to be himself seems to be at the core of friendship for Tommy.